AESOP'S TALES

Shoddy, sloppy and badly translated, this collection of five fables is as baffling as it is crude.

Apparently "[translated] from Ancient Greek" by Casanova into Italian and then translated into English, according to the credits page, this collection includes short, lightly animated versions of "The Fox and the Grapes," "The Grasshopper and the Ants," "The Lion and the Dolphin," "The Fox and the Crow" and "The Tortoise and the Hare." There's no voice narration, which is a blessing, given the clunky, near-indecipherable text that accompanies each story. The conclusion of "The Fox and the Grapes," for instance, offers this stunner of a garbled moral: "Those who do not succeed in realising their aims because they are not able to do so, often disdain that which they did not succeed in doing." Good luck parsing that one, kids. Most disturbingly, each tale of wretched animals in moral quandaries ends with a near-naked old man (Aesop, presumably) whom readers must dress in order to unlock the moral. The old man shows up five times in five separate states of partial nudity, leaving readers to wonder if he may have a serious problem. Even apart from these significant problems, the app also suffers from poor navigation, lackluster artwork and leaps of logic too big to ignore even for a fanciful children's app. For the record, lions and dolphins cannot shake hands.

It's a mess, riddled with typos, botched wording and grating sound cues. The moral here is obvious: The person who fails to steer clear of this app will find much to regret.