A London-based illustrator’s graphic memoir of embracing her sexual orientation.
“Growing up,” writes Crewes, “I felt like I had a secret deep inside of me.” As an adolescent, she “liked Goths, rock music, and anything spooky,” and she became “obsessed” with Willow, the Buffy the Vampire Slayer character who later came out as gay. In secondary school, the author began to feel the pressure to assimilate. Like the girls she eventually befriended, Crewes paired off with boys, especially those with whom she shared common interests such as anime and manga. By the time she was 16 and in a “real relationship,” Crewes felt emotionally and physically unable to have sex with her boyfriend. After they broke up, the author decided that it was time to “reinvent myself.” She began a diet and exercise regimen to make herself “cooler.” Only much later did she realize her efforts served as a “subconscious way to redirect myself from the fact that I was gay.” She made her first attempt at coming out during her first year of university only to return to “heteronormativity” the next day. Two years later she came out “another four times,” all while navigating a messy path through heterosexual relationships and counseling for mysterious panic attacks. “ ‘Coming out’ is frequently described as a definitive and singular thing,” she writes. “But it didn’t happen like that for me.” When Crewes definitively came out, “I felt like I’d been washed clean.” Yet as she discovered, the journey of learning about queer culture and finding a fulfilling relationship had only begun. Crewes presents a spare primary narrative that she fleshes out using comic book–style line drawings to illustrate characters and episodes. The end result is a charming, accessible story about self-acceptance that everyone—especially people struggling with their sexuality—can enjoy.
A heartwarming, delightful memoir of self-discovery.