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A memoir that examines disordered eating and body image.

In this “hybrid memoir-in-interviews,” Vogue culture writer Specter blends her own struggles with binge eating and body image with the voices of prominent body-positive writers, including Carmen Maria Machado and Roxane Gay, to show how representation can be a healing agent. “The fat influencers and artists and writers and actors and musicians I sought out on social media when I first began to exceed the sizes that most stores kept in stock (or even manufactured) provided the road map that pointed me toward my current identity as a fat, mostly happy, out-and-proud dyke and decidedly fat-positive human being,” she writes. The author takes readers through relatable phases of her life in chapters titled “Watch,” about how so many girls learn from media presentations what the “ideal body” looks like; “Gorge,” detailing the struggles of living with binge-eating disorder; and “Move,” about finding joy through exercise of all kinds, not just the calorie-burning forms. Specter dives deep into her personal experience, but she never loses track of the far-reaching, societal factors that contribute to and arise out of diet culture and the shaming of fat bodies. “At a certain point,” she writes, “when we’re still selling diet plans to kids and rewarding grown women for fitting into sample sizes, I think we have to admit that our national obsession with being small isn’t just some tragic holdover from the aughts; its affirmation of white supremacist, cis-heteropatriarchal notions about physical appearance and intrinsic worth.” Though the author covers a lifetime of body image issues, her emphasis on the difficulty of the pandemic years for disordered eating is a fresh, timely take, which readers of all sizes will appreciate.

An inspiring personal account of living with an eating disorder and finding joy in a fat body.