THE NAME I CALL MYSELF

An isolated child struggles with self-esteem as they discover their identity diverges from familial and societal expectations.

Ari’s parents call them a name that does not fit, a name for old snoring kings. They “idolize” their mom, a good listener who lets them try on dresses, but they fear coming out to their dad, who insists boys act and present themselves in a certain way. Year by year, from ages 6 to 18, Ari documents their life experiences and the distressing changes of puberty as they explore their gender and their attraction to boys. The first-person narrator introduces themself in the opening by the name their parents gave them. Right after this, they explain, “But I call myself something else.” This true name remains a mystery until the final page of text, when they introduce themself again as Ari. The layout follows a predictable pattern, with text on the left side of each spread and an accompanying illustration on the right side. Illustrations depict Ari and their family with light brown skin, but the narration gives no indication of ethnicity or racial identity. Troublingly, Ari has no trustworthy friends, and their mom is their only apparent support, though a passive one at best. While the narrative resolves on a note of hopeful self-identification, this coming-of-age story largely focuses on struggle, waylaying happiness until the character is 17.

Sadly, a typically harrowing representation of a young transgender person without supportive community.