KNOCKING ON WINDOWS

A verse memoir in which the author reveals how “a stranger stole my freshman year at college, / my claims to imagination and faith in the future.”

Six weeks after arriving at college in the early 1970s, Atkins was back home in Massachusetts, trying to cope with having been raped. Her emotionally unavailable mother—“Put it behind you”—discouraged any talk of what had happened. In spare, deliberate free verse, Atkins describes starting over at the University of Massachusetts, struggling to focus, and living at the mercy of her memories. Writers featured prominently in Atkins’ life. She was especially drawn to Sylvia Plath even as she grappled with contradictory rules for girls: “Anything can be provocative. / Anything can be called the victim’s fault.” Therapy allowed Atkins to begin to confront the details of the day that split her “life into before and ever-after.” Her realization that as a white woman she should have been more aware of racial history and politics led her to wrestle with complicated feelings about being raped by a Black man after going to “a neighborhood that wasn’t hers” to “observe, maybe take notes.” As she came to realize that she wasn’t responsible for his actions, Atkins ultimately reclaimed control of her narrative. Although occasional time shifts may be jarring for some, Atkins encourages deep connection, and readers who have experienced sexual trauma will feel seen.

An author known for highlighting courageous women shows herself to be among them.