WE NEED TO TALK

Graves offers strategies designed to solve conflicts that could arise on the job.

Have you ever struggled with difficult situations or people at your workplace? The answer is likely yes, and this guide, covering a wide array of work-related challenges and offering possible resolutions, can help. Not a fan of conflict himself, the polite, raised-in-the-South author’s life changed when he replaced the concept of niceness, a “candy-coated emptiness,” with the tougher and more productive principle of kindness that underlies this book. First, Graves gives general strategies for dealing with dissent, like Hanlon’s razor (choosing to not assume others’ bad intentions) and “cranky conclusions” (practicing empathy). Subsequent chapters explore multiple themes, using conflict between real-life individuals as a starting point and working toward mutual understanding between them. Some of the topics covered include lying and gaslighting, conflicts that arise when working remotely, microaggressions, pushy people, safety at the workplace, and pay inequality. Each chapter is set up as a problem with a solution and includes things to look out for, various charts and graphs, and final thoughts. Graves’ book, though clear and organized, courts monotony with the repetitive format, but the author strategically avoids this pitfall—each section has unique and tailored information. (In “People Losing Control,” Graves discusses amygdala hijacks and diagrams the grounding practice of “box breathing,” while “Understanding Cultural Dynamics” features tables comparing the individualist and collectivist philosophies of different cultures, stereotypes at work, and assertive versus collaborative mindsets.) The use of humor helps; Graves renamed individuals in his book after horror movie characters, and, in a chapter regarding forgiveness, he suggests using a brulee torch on a burn letter for “extra flair.” Taking a realistic approach, Graves does not neatly resolve all the situations he details: In “Mediating with Multiple People,” engineering lead Vicaria is ultimately blamed for a botched app rollout when the CEO mediator sides with product manager Donald, the CEO’s personal friend. Yet even unsuccessful conclusions are instructive as the author reimagines the conversations and leads readers down alternative paths. A helpful alphabetical index is included at the book’s end.

Relevant, grounded, and often humorous insights for the conflict-averse to consider.