THE GHOST MARRIAGE

A divorced woman’s perceptions of her controlling ex-husband shift radically when she establishes a new bond with him following his death in this debut memoir.

In 1985, Mickelwait returned to California after working as a tour guide in Rome. Setting up as a freelance marketing writer, she found her social life waning before meeting her future husband, an attorney named Steve, at a friend’s wedding. Described by others as looking like “an actor playing a politician,” Steve had plenty of charisma. The author gradually capitulated to his charms and they began dating. The couple went on to marry and have two children before cracks started to show in their relationship. Steve’s personality began to change. He became reliant on drugs for chronic back pain and started growing marijuana and collecting guns and knives. Mickelwait later discovered that Steve was having an affair with Mitzi, their close friend and realtor. Following the couple’s divorce, Steve was diagnosed with colon cancer and later died. The author was left to deal with her ex-husband’s $1.5 million debt because her name was still on the banks’ loan records. Mickelwait’s journey to forgiveness began after seeking spiritual guidance and reconnecting with Steve through a psychic. This is emotionally frank writing in which the author is unafraid to share even her darkest feelings, such as “I thought of all the times I’d wished Steve dead,” after learning of his cancer diagnosis. The memoir’s structure makes for compelling reading, beginning with Steve’s funeral, where, despite sharing 26 years together, Mickelwait admits her “eyes were dry.” The author then backtracks to recall the arc of their relationship, explaining the period of understanding and healing that occurred after his death. Mickelwait is also buoyantly descriptive in these pages. Recalling her “spiritual life coach,” she writes: “Like my own personal Yoda, Arjuna would sit cross-legged in the big striped chair and dispense pithy advice.” Skeptics will struggle to accept the fact that the author communicated with Steve after his death, and cynical readers may find her psychic’s conclusion that “everything he did to you, he did for you” difficult to swallow. Still, those who believe in parapsychology will enjoy this smartly conceived book that tracks a major shift in personal perspective made possible through spiritual counseling.

A skillfully written, thought-provoking account that positively reconsiders an antagonist as an important teacher.