THE THIRTEEN HALLOWS

Fantasy from bestselling author Scott (The Warlock, 2011, etc.) and playwright Freedman (Sister Cities, 2009, etc.).

Let's eavesdrop on a parallel universe, where a literary agent is having a phone conference with a couple of co-authors: "…Sure, Potter has Hallows, but…Okay, so yours are magical whatzits that defend the realm against whatever, Dark Lords, demons, aliens…right…We need a number…Thirteen? Great! And they're protecting Britain or the world or whatever…No, no, everybody does Irish…Welsh, wonderful! I get it, the Hallows have huge long unpronounceable titles in Welsh, they'll lap it up. Go on…The keepers of the Hallows are all clueless old doddery types, and the agents of the bad guys are slaughtering them, lots of blood, gore, mayhem? Love it! We need some sex, though…Bad guy, bad girl, and they have to screw to get mystical visions and stuff, psychic powers… Brilliant! And the good guys? That's always a problem…I know, I know, well, we can work something out later. So how do you bring in the Americans, that's the big payoff…Yeah, right, everybody English or Welsh has relatives in America…uhuh…So, these Hallows, what…Ancient, mystical chess sets and chalices and like that…cool…and they need to be bathed in blood to be activated…perfect! Wait, wait, thirteen McGuffins is way too many. What if one of them is the master control or suchlike? But it can't be something wimpy like a chalice, you can't whack bad guys with…of course, a sword!..." It's just fiction, folks, manufactured rather than crafted; still, it could have been a lot worse.