THE GOOD MOTHER MYTH

Probing the history of “the good mother.”

As a feminist and daughter of a devoted single mother, Stockton University writing professor Reddy was shocked to find herself feeling more like a frazzled “leaking mammal” in the weeks after giving birth to her first child than a fulfilled, “blissed-out” new mom. The unconditional love she had been taught she would automatically feel did not materialize, and for a time, Reddy believed that being a good mother was beyond her reach. In a book that draws on her experiences as a new mother and on research into the mid-20th-century social scientists and doctors whose well-intentioned work ultimately created “bad ideas” about good mothering, she begins by looking at Harry Harlow, whose studies of baby monkeys and their cloth surrogate mothers laid the groundwork for the myth that the best mothers were as “constantly available” as they were “endlessly adoring.” Building on Harlow’s work, John Bowlby developed his theory of mother-child attachment, which claimed that mothers were naturally designed to exist in a private, caregiving dyad with their children. Pediatrician Benjamin Spock later echoed the ideas of both in his bestselling child-rearing manual. But as the author suggests, his advice that women follow their instincts and their (male) doctors’ instructions served only to undercut women’s confidence in their own mothering abilities. Reddy’s own experiences—like learning to accept help from others outside her family—taught her two important lessons: that children—and mothers—thrive the most “when cared for by a whole community” and that love is as much felt as it is built over time. Intelligent and well researched, Reddy’s study offers insights that new mothers will undoubtedly find both useful and liberating.

A refreshingly honest book that challenges the problematic ideals of motherhood.