MAMA

A memoir proposing a wider, more inclusive definition of family.

Hargrove’s candid, straightforward narrative touches numerous social issues, including addiction, incarceration, trauma recovery, and the shaky legal ground of LGBTQ+ families. When she was 24, her third half sibling was born, and Jonathan’s toxicology screening at birth placed his health, safety, and guardianship in question. Intimately familiar with her mother’s crack cocaine addiction—Hargrove was herself raised primarily by her grandparents—she was determined to give her new half brother a measure of stability away from relapses, drug raids, and volatile relationships. Persuading an aunt to sign the paperwork "on the verbal condition that I would do the heavy lifting," the author became Jonathan’s temporary guardian. Just months later, her mother died, and Hargrove fought for permanent custody of her half brother with the reluctant support of her extended family. While this battle inevitably revived traumatic memories from her own childhood, Hargrove is most concerned here with suggesting a path forward for others who come to “family” from nontraditional starting points. Personal reflections on the nature of caregiving, her LGBTQ+ identity, and the roots of her determination to become Jonathan’s mother intertwine with accounts of clearing bureaucratic hurdles and taxing visits with Jonathan’s biological father. In the second half of the text, Hargrove pivots to describe her efforts to construct a family and get free of her past with the help of a romantic partner. The pace accelerates at this point, whisking through years of ups and downs at a steady clip, and at times the rapid pace muffles the impact of the emotional trials and rewards the author delineates. Nonetheless, her story provides an accessible, encouraging model of how to construct a family with hope and intention.

Quietly revelatory and affirming.