NICE GIRLS DON'T WIN

A reality television star and cult survivor bounces back.

Shallow’s parents first attempted to escape from a commune run by a cruel and abusive religious zealot when Shallow was 2 months old. They finally left for good when Shallow was in elementary school. The author believes that in adulthood, the chaos of her early years fueled her instinct to constantly flee any and all difficulty and to hesitate to find stability. She writes, “I would gloss over pain, bounce from relationship to relationship, move constantly, often donating everything I owned to Goodwill, and never settle in one place for long.” This affinity for change follows her into her stints on the television show Survivor, where she wins the Fans vs. Favorites season and, a few years later, is cast as a villain in the Heroes vs. Villains season, a characterization that took her by surprise. The pressures of these shows, the intense emotions surrounding her short marriage, and her brother’s untimely death as a result of his struggle with addiction all tax her nervous system. As a result, Shallow commits to somatic therapy, a healing practice that helps her find love in a new, queer relationship with a nonbinary comic and allows her to reenter reality television—as a cast member on The Traitors—without losing her sense of self. Shallow’s narratorial voice is intimate and honest and feels like she’s in conversation with a close friend. The prose is sometimes unpolished, but the book’s fast pace and clear narrative arc make this a quick read.

A reality star’s enjoyable memoir about finding healing.