SEX BEYOND "YES"

Focusing on sex “that goes well for everyone.”

Kukla, a professor of philosophy and disability studies at Georgetown University, draws from discussions with fellow academics, sex workers, friends, and lovers to present an introspective and enlightening study of the dynamics of sexual consent. Frustrated with indifferent, academic explorations of bodily autonomy and sexual liberation, Kukla says their goal is to enhance our understanding of how “being able to have good sex enhances our agency” through beneficial communication and collaboration instead of homogeneously “flattening” sexual conversations. The author introduces interactive methods to have sex genuinely benefit each participant, and not solely as a means to avoid sexual discord or harm. Kukla writes with straightforward language, offering an array of often provocative short scenarios to illustrate their points. The author skillfully incorporates relatable terminology, like personal and social “scaffolding,” which, when established by a sexually active individual, provides a relationship framework with the good strength and stability it needs to make sex (of any style) mutually safe and satisfying. The framework may incorporate the use of safe words to corral personal intimacy limits and minimize risk or, more generally, highlight laws and policies meant to promote and protect individual sexual agency and ease of reporting violations and abusers. But the basis for all of these agency-promotive, sex-positive initiatives, Kukla acknowledges, begins with open, honest, and proactive communication. As a self-admitted participant and proponent of alternative sex communities, Kukla attended conventions and seminars where sexual negotiation was a key theme, and while they understand the constricting social norms prevalent around issues of sexual empowerment, consent, and lifestyles like sex work, each individual, the author says, is ultimately responsible for their own body and how it is governed and pleasured. Calling religious models of carnal abstention “intensely depressing,” Kukla instead offers constructive feedback and workarounds to reach the goal of sexual agency for each partner.

An intelligent and empowering guide toward increased self-determination within sexual relations.