NO LONGER THAT GIRL

Spurred by the chaos of the Covid-19 pandemic, a woman reflects on the abuse and trauma she suffered as a child to find a path toward healing.

In 2020, Maley, a retired nurse, was enjoying her life as a mother of two and wife to her husband of over 30 years. But as the Covid-19 pandemic hit, the painful childhood memories that the author spent her whole life pushing down came bubbling up with a vengeance. At a breaking point, she chose to write a memoir detailing her experiences as a way to heal. Maley discusses the most impactful moments of her life, from being molested by her teacher’s teenage son as a 7-year-old to helping a family friend after a near-fatal accident to carrying on a secret sexual relationship with her high school coach. These memories are interspersed with commentary on choices made by both the author and those around her, particularly her somewhat subservient mother (“I knew I wouldn’t set out clothes or towels or pack my future spouse’s suitcase. He and I would share in all aspects of our marriage”). Maley never shies away from difficult topics, such as her parents’ open racism or an attempted rape by a family friend’s son. The memoir is clearly cathartic; the text occasionally dips into meta territory as the author reflects on how the process of writing it made her memories easier to access. Events are sometimes difficult to follow, however, as the time jumps occur sporadically and often without any obvious rhyme or reason. Maley’s narrative voice also feels stiff, creating an odd sense of detachment from the obviously strong emotions that these events provoked (“I’m so lucky to have great friends, fun coaches, and a cute teacher. Once more, I feel happy”). The author’s perseverance in overcoming heartbreaking obstacles is certainly admirable, but the account itself ultimately falls flat.

An inspiring story that unfortunately suffers from stiff execution and a jarring structure.