As 2023 draws to a close, it’s time for all of us in the literary world to reflect solemnly on the books that touched us and changed us this year.
On second thought, let’s not. There will be plenty of time for earnestness in 2024. This was a bizarre year for news in pretty much every field, and the book world was no exception. We started off 2023 with an oversharing memoir from one of the world’s most famous redheads, and things just got weirder from there. From an owl taking over a library to Jane Austen becoming a star on an app beloved by teens, 2023 had an odd news story for every reader. Here are nine of our favorites—enjoy while listening to some Lou Bega and drinking an ice-cold White Claw. (Or whatever. We won’t judge.)
JAN. 5: Leave it to Prince Harry to start 2023 off with a wang. Days ahead of the publication of his highly anticipated memoir, Spare, Page Six reported that the Duke of Sussex revealed in the book that while he was at the wedding of his brother, Prince William, he was suffering from a frostbitten penis, sustained on a visit to the North Pole—and had attempted to treat it with a cream made by Elizabeth Arden. (What exactly was he doing with his—actually, never mind. We don’t want to know.) Britons were likely horrified by Harry’s disclosure but relieved that at least they didn’t have to think about Boris’ johnson.
FEB. 12: For centuries, owls have symbolized wisdom and knowledge—so you would think that a college would be happy when one of their ranks decided to take up residence in its library. You would be wrong! When a barred owl fell through the chimney of the McCain Library at Agnes Scott College in Georgia, it showed no signs of leaving, forcing the school to shut the building down. Students named the feathered intruder Edgar Owlen Poe, but the college insisted on hiring a falconer to have it evicted anyway, before it could even check out its favorite book. Rude.
MAY 8: When one bookstore owner and TikTok user noticed a blank space where a title should be in Flatiron Books’ summer catalog, the bookseller came up with a theory: 4C Untitled Flatiron Nonfiction Summer 2023 would actually be a memoir from Taylor Swift, who is, according to Google, a singer-songwriter of some sort. “Evidence” for the theory included the fact that the book would be 544 pages, and the digits 5, 4, and 4 add up to 13, Swift’s lucky number. Unfortunately for Swifties everywhere, the book instead turned out to be an oral history of South Korean boy band BTS. Cruel summer, indeed.
JULY 31: The Sunshine State leads the nation in book challenges and bans, but that simply wasn’t good enough for a Florida man named Bruce Friedman, who became enraged by a book about—you might want to sit down; this is scandalous—a cartoon aardvark’s party. Friedman filed a complaint with the Clay County School District over Arthur’s Birthday, a book featuring the glasses-wearing third grade mammal. Friedman’s objection stemmed from the fact that the book mentions a popular party game. “PROTECT CHILDREN!!” Friedman calmly wrote. “IT IS NOT APPROPRIATE TO DISCUSS ‘SPIN THE BOTTLE’ WITH ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CHILDREN.” If this guy freaks out this much about spin the bottle, we’d hate to see his reaction to Twister.
AUG. 18: The verdict is in: TikTok users are simping for Jane Austen. The video-hosting service unveiled the winners of its first-ever TikTok Book Awards U.K. and Ireland, and along with some familiar names from the online community—Holly Jackson and Alice Oseman—Austen scored the prize for best BookTok revival. Austen won the award for Pride & Prejudice, her 1813 novel about the low-key situationship between Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy. Austen wasn’t able to accept the prize—evidently, she’s giving “died in 1817”—but the verdict is clear: She understood the assignment, and we should all let her cook.
AUG. 31: The school district in the Texas town of Katy, which has become something of a book-ban capital, paused buying new books for its libraries in June. Later, a Twitter user posted what appeared to be a screenshot of a Facebook message from Morgan Calhoun, a Katy ISD board member, that seemed to call out Itty-Bitty Kitty-Corn, a 2021 children’s book written by Shannon Hale and illustrated by Leuyen Pham, which follows a kitten who wants to be a unicorn. Calhoun wasn’t happy that “the main character [wants] to transform into something they are obviously not.” It’s unclear whether the offending book was indeed responsible for the school district’s buying pause, but we’re willing to bet there’s an order in for Little Miss Fluffypaws, the Cat Who Was Happy Being a Cat Because Imagination Is the Work of the Dark Lord Satan.
SEPT. 7: Stephen King has given readers throughout the world nightmares with his scary novels, but that pales in comparison to the horror he’s inflicted on his wife, fellow author Tabitha King. In an interview with Rolling Stone, the writer confirmed that he was such a fan of Lou Bega’s 1999 hit “Mambo No. 5” that his wife threatened to walk out on him. “I played that a lot,” he said. “I had the dance mix. I loved those extended play things, and I played both sides of it. And one of them was just total instrumental. And I played that thing until my wife just said, ‘One more time, and I’m going to fucking leave you.’” While that would have been the most justified divorce in the history of Maine, the couple remains married, although that might change if Stephen King discovers Aqua’s “Barbie Girl.”
SEPT. 28: Mark Meadows has been a lot of things: real estate developer, U.S. congressman, chief of staff to Donald Trump, co-defendant in a racketeering trial. But he’s never been a drinker—or at least he wasn’t before accidentally getting wrecked on hard seltzer at a White House meeting, an anecdote that former assistant Cassidy Hutchinson related in her memoir, Enough. Meadows downed three and a half cans of White Claw—blackberry and grapefruit flavored—before realizing that the drinks were less La Croix and more frat boy. “My head started feeling funny, and I look down at the can and I saw that it was alcohol,” Meadows recalled. “I’m drinking alcohol on a Monday morning and I’ve never had a drink before.” It’s currently unknown whether Meadows will employ the “Ain’t no laws when you’re drinking Claws” defense at his planned Georgia trial.
OCT. 10: The recent spate of book bans and challenges in schools and libraries makes no sense, but a review of titles by an Alabama library system managed to reach new depths of absurdity. The Huntsville-Madison County Public Library system flagged more than 200 books for possible removal, one of which was a 2013 children’s book, Read Me a Story, Stella, about a girl and her younger brother enjoying a nice summer day. The reason the book was flagged? It was written and illustrated by Marie-Louise Gay, whose surname somehow set off alarm bells. The library system’s executive director said that the book would not actually be removed, but the fact that it was flagged is sure to cause concern for authors worldwide. (Well, maybe not novelist Susan Straight.)
Michael Schaub is a contributing writer.
